Welcome to episode 156 of The Executive Edge with me, Sue Firth

In this episode I want to talk to you about the second chapter of my new book ‘Toolkit for life’. This features the topic of how to communicate well. It is available for purchase and download on the site now.

All of us pick up the skill of expressing ourselves when we’re quite young, but it’s a skill that is by no means easy for all of us. Trying to get your point across and not feeling heard, or not managing your feelings in that moment can be tricky. It can make you feel less competent, or confident, at it. So, as a result it can be difficult to keep trying.

I have numerous examples of when I’ve wanted to say something amazing, or to the point, and instead mumble or even avoid expressing what I need to say. But this comes with practice and like all skills, they don’t get better if we don’t give it a try. So, the trick is to look at what you want or need and aim for that. That way you slowly develop a sense that you’ve said how you feel. There are other issues of course; including how your words are perceived by other people.  That can affect how confident we become too. Especially if we get it wrong and people become defensive.

There are no tricks to this, only tips, ideas, and the desire to practice. Young people in particular feel sensitive about this skill possibly because as they develop their confidence in life, they so often come up against peer pressure. This is a well-known difficulty where we all feel the need to be liked and approved of. That by the way, is the subject for chapter 3 which is released in January. It’s all about the difficulty with needing approval and correcting that need so that you don’t wire in feelings of inadequacy when something doesn’t go your way.

So, what is this chapter about?

It’s about developing the confidence to express your thoughts and feelings.  Especially when under pressure or faced with difficult issues and the need to say ‘stop’ or no. We all have an issue with saying ‘no’ to something but often the power of good communication isn’t in getting something right. You don’t have to feel perfect.  So, practicing 6 to 10 responses to typical situations can help you feel ‘ready’ to cope – no matter what.

We’re all a bit wired towards right from wrong and good from bad which makes life very black and white.  But, successful communication isn’t about getting it ‘right’ all the time.  It might be about mastering your breathing, calming yourself down and finding the best way to handle that situation in the moment. Then it has to be about learning from those experiences, letting go of situations you don’t handle well and setting another goal to practice again!

You can find this pdf on the site and this week’s podcast episode explains all about it.

Very best wishes for your continued success, Sue